Cold As Ice
by AnimeDemon1
Summary: When Komui sends the unsuspecting trio of Lavi, Allen and Kanda on a mission to Antarctica Komui turns out to be a lot more heartless than they had originally thought. Will they be able to survive?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own DGM , if I did, I would put on concerts and make the characters all sing in their underwear...**

**ENJOY! (Seriously, or I'll send Kanda to your house in a bad mood... Then again that's not really a punishment, is it? Ok. I'll send the Millennium Earl to your house wearing nothing but a pink mankini. Yes. I went there...)**

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**CHAPTER 1**

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Buried in three foot high snow were three figures casting dark shadows across the dull, blurred horizon. The three kept walking forwards not daring to peer back at the endless expanse of white that lay behind them. Breathing heavily, their feet carried them through the snow, propelled only by their sheer determination. They had to reach their goal: it was important that they succeed in the mission entrusted to them...

**Flashback - 5 hours earlier**

An over-excited Komui dragged Kanda, Lavi and Allen into his office - if you could even call it that. Piles of incomplete paperwork were strewn across the desk and floor with the suffocating smell of coffee and perspiration lingering in the stagnant atmosphere.

"Komui, how can you work in a place like this? It looks like a landmine exploded in here. Honestly, you call yourself the Chief Officer of the Black Order? What a joke!" Kanda, being as insensitive as usual, received a rather disappointed frown from the Chief. That just ticked him off all the more.

Allen, completely ignoring the bluenette's usual straight forward self, focused on the more important matter in hand.

"Why did you call us here chief? Was there something you wanted to talk to us about?" Allen asked Komui and then soon regretted it as a huge smirk spread across the Chinese's face. Komui readjusted his glasses and they glinted deviously in the light.

"Actually, I have a mission in mind for the three of you," Komui stated, "how does Antarctica sound?" At this, Lavi started jumping for joy and smiling to himself. Allen just stared at him like he was insane.

"What is so great about Antarctica? I don't get you Lavi."

"I get to play and build a snowman with Yu-chan! We can all frolic about in the snow~"

"You're gonna frolic off a cliff if you carry on!" Clutching at the hilt of Mugen, Kanda gave the redhead an evil glare that gave Allen the shivers. Lavi didn't seem to notice and carried on with his ridiculous grinning unaware of his impending death.

"Komui! You expect me to go and freeze my ass off in Antarctica with these fools no less!" Komui just smiled sweetly at Kanda's rude remark, continuing to irritate the Second Exorcist. Kanda was starting to wonder whether everyone in the Black Order had a death wish.

"That is _exactly_ what I expect you to do. There have been some sightings of Akuma and, as it is your _job_, I expect you to investigate this matter and end the source of panic," Komui said calmly, "is that clear?" Komui gave Kanda an intimidating look as he held out the mission briefing to the three of them.

"Che!" Kanda snatched the file and turned to storm out of the room with an expression that insinuated that he was ready to kill whoever was unlucky enough to cross his path. Allen felt genuinely sorry for whoever that could end up being.

**Flash forward**

Allen's legs buckled from underneath him causing him to land face-first in the snow. He groaned and let out a small sob, his previous determination dissipating into thin air.

"I'm hungry!" Allen complained pathetically. Lavi and Kanda, who had not stopped walking, stopped and turned around to look at the miserable blob that lay helplessly in the snow. Kanda made a noise that was a cross between disappointment and defeat.

'What are you doing moyashi?"

"Pitying myself. What does it look like?"

Kanda strolled up to the sulking white-haired youth and held out a hand. Astonished, Allen stared dumbfoundedly at the hand for a moment. _Kanda was being_ _nice! _Something was definitely wrong. Allen's eyes widened as he looked up at Kanda.

"Who are you and what have you done with Kanda?!"

Kanda snickered at Allen's idea of a joke but then looked him directly in the eyes and realised that he wasn't joking. Any slither of respect he may have held for the exorcist in front of him had gone straight out of the window as he saw how sincere he was in his idiotic accusation.

"You're serious, aren't you? And here I was thinking you had at least one brain cell in that head of yours, but it seems that I was mistaken." Kanda sighed and used his outstretched hand to grab the boy by his cheek and yank him to his feet. Allen yelped in surprise and rubbed his aching face when kanda finally let go.

"That hurt!" Allen moaned and began dragging his feet forward through the snow in a slow and sluggish manner. Kanda was content that he was at least making an attempt to carry on. Although, knowing Allen, he would probably start complaining again in a few minutes or so.

Allen tried to catch up with Kanda and Lavi who were gradually straying further away from him. The last thing he wanted was to be left alone out in the snow. Who would feed him? The moment he had caught up with them, they halted. In front of the three young men was a small, decaying, aged house. It's walls were held up by feeble supports that seemed as though they would disintegrate if the wind changed and the roof left in a wrecked state with a gaping hole where half of the slates should have been.

"This must be the place. So some great exorcist is in there?" Allen wondered what kind of person they would be. In Komui's briefing it didn't go into great detail about the person they were supposed to meet. It only stated that "an exorcist of great skill will aid you in your mission. You will know who when you meet them. They will explain the rest of the situation. You are to meet him at the location displayed on the map above. Good luck, exorcists." From Komui's incredibly vague explanation, Allen only knew that the exorcist was male and obviously quite skilled with his Innocence. Other than that, he knew nothing.

"Must be. The anticipation is killing me, let's see who it is!" Lavi started to run up the steps leading to the porch when his foot fell straight through the floorboards. A cry of pain escaped his lips as he pulled his leg out of the wood and collapsed on the floor grasping at his leg. Quickly running over to lavi, Allen pulled out a small first aid kit tucked inside of his uniform in case of emergency. He flicked open the clasp and removed a long strip of bandage wrapping it carefully and securely around Lavi's wound that trailed from his ankle up to beneath his left knee. Assisted to his feet by Allen, Lavi cringed slightly with the pain. Kanda scowled.

"Exactly what we need! A cripple and an idiot. This day just keeps getting better and better..." Kanda clapped sarcastically then strode confidently up to the door and knocked. The door swung open.

"Hello ladies~"

Stood in the doorway was a tall, well-built man with long, crimson hair trailing down his shoulders wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers.

"Master Cross!"

"What the hell! Allen! You're not a cute girl!" Allen shot him a sarcastic glance that said 'Oh, you noticed!'. Cross Marian stood, still half-naked in the doorway, with a disappointed look on his face. That damn Komui! He would kill him later. Both Lavi and Kanda stared, mouths agape, at the General in front of them. Completely unaffected, Allen grabbed his master by the arm and dragged him inside of the house while Cross repeatedly complained and mumbled to himself. Allen sat him down on a small sofa in the corner of the room while Lavi and the bluenette sat cross-legged on the floor. The four said nothing until Kanda finally broke the silence.

"Why?"

"It's complicated." General Cross rested his chin on his linked hands and sat forward facing Kanda, Lavi and Allen, who had joined the others on the floor. Then he started to explain.

"You see, three days ago, I was out drinking when Komui approached me. He handed me a map to this house and said that he had hooked me up with a couple of hot blondes and we were to meet right here in three days time," Cross frowned and continued.

"Then you three appeared." Allen pondered over this for a little while before he was rudely interrupted by his own stomach growling at him. The white-haired boy groaned and stood up. As he looked around the cluttered room, he noticed a fridge by the opposite wall among a pile of empty boxes. He wandered off in its direction. When he opened the fridge door, he got the shock of his life. It was _completely_ empty. He stared gobsmacked at the lack of food, his eyes wide in disbelief. However, something caught his eye: a small piece of folded paper tucked into the side of the fridge. Curious, Allen slowly unfolded the paper revealing a message addressed to the four of them. It read:

**_Dear General Cross, Lavi, Kanda and Allen_**

**_I assume that it is Allen who is currently reading this message. I realize that I told you that this was part of your mission. That was a complete and utter lie. The truth is that there is no mission; I used that as an excuse to get you away from the Order. Some close friends of mine are visiting and we needed some spare rooms. As for General Cross, I thought that you might fancy some company for the next four days._**

**_By the way, I deactivated your golems' communication network, including Timcampy's, so you will just have to wait until I send someone to pick you up in four days time. Until then you'll just have to hang on. You can think of it as endurance training, if you like._**

**_Take care, Komui :)_**

**_P.S: Kanda doesn't mind that we trashed his room does he?_**

Allen was just about ready to explode in anger himself when a pair of big blue eyes peered over his shoulder at the message. Allen felt a omnious aura radiating from close behind him. Kanda was trembling in fury.

"They trashed my friggin' room?!" Kanda roared, "I'm gonna kill 'em! I'm gonna kill 'em!" His eyes looked like they belonged to a wild beast. No. At that moment Kanda _was _a wild beast. He ground his teeth and clenched his fists until they bled. Seething with anger, he marched straight over to his golem, perched on the edge of the sofa by Cross, and checked his signal; it was non-existant.

"That asshole really did tamper with my golem!" Kanda barked throughout the house. His anger only increasing, he grabbed General Cross by his neck.

"I bet you knew something about this!"

"This is my first time hearing about this. Besides, what man would volunteer to spend four days trapped in a room with three _guys_?" Cross responded, "now would you please let go of my throat?" He felt Kanda's hand tighten and then leave his neck. Glaring at the bluenette, Cross leaned back into a comfortable position on the sofa and crossed his legs.

"At times like this all we can do is survive and wait. If Komui picks us up soon then we should all be fine."

"I think we have a bigger problem than how long we'll have to wait for help. We'll have no food for the next four days." Kanda's eyes shot towards Allen when he realized that the bean sprout was right. How would they survive in the freezing cold for the next four days with no food and second-rate shelter?

"We have absolutely nothing?" Lavi sat there dumbfounded as the true severity of their situation came to light, "Isn't there _anything _that we could survive on?" Master Cross smiled devilishly, turned to reach a hand behind the couch then pulled out three bottles of what looked like whiskey and displayed them proudly in front of the three boys.

"I have alcohol."

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**I can't wait to write the next chapter... as soon as alcohol is involved things start to get interesting. Let's just say that there is a chance that by the end of the next chapter there won't be a house anymore :D I hope you will find the time to review xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the followers and reviews, I didn't expect so many and I'm so encouraged by all of you. Thanks for the first review Booklover2526 I really appreciate it. Here is the next chapter, please enjoy :)**

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Allen opened his eyes to find Lavi, face flushed, lying beside him on the floor with his arm around Allen's waist.

"Aghhh! Off! Get off me!" Allen had heard the rumours that had spread throughout the Order about Lavi. He never believed them but now as he felt Lavi's breath so close to his face he saw that Lavi was obviously gay. So the rumours about him and Tyki were... true?! Allen suppressed the urge to throw up there and then. He would have to watch out for Lavi in the future.

"Hmm... what is...it?" Lavi opened one eye and looked at Allen then his hand that still lay draped around his waist. _Strike!_ He smiled up at Allen with a grin so big that it could have belonged to the Cheshire Cat. The expression was soon wiped off his face though by a blow from Allen's fist.

"Touch me again and you're dead!" Lavi couldn't believe how much like Kanda Allen was acting. It turned out that Allen was a violent drunk just like when he played cards. The look in his eye scared the redhead so he retreated into a corner, still drunk out of his mind, stumbling every two seconds. Allen turned around to see Cross splayed out across the sofa with a... giant, tasty, juicy-looking steak next to him. Allen's mouth watered as he edged towards the tempting hunk of meat.

"Itadakimasu!" Allen exclaimed as he opened his mouth and bit down hungrily.

"Shit!" Allen's eyes snapped up to see a pissed Kanda glaring down at him. It took Allen some time to register that he had Kanda's arm in his mouth but by the time he did, Kanda had pushed him away. On his left arm was a huge mark made by Allen's teeth.

"What the hell Allen?!" Kanda's words were slurred but he still managed to spit the words out as maliciously as always. The moment he lashed out, he grabbed his head as an intense headache threatened to split his head in two. Kanda let out a pained groan and collapsed back onto the sofa.

"Big hammer, little hammer, big hammer, little hammer..." Lavi was sat in the corner repeatedly making his Hammer grow then shrink between fits of giggles. It seemed that Allen was not the only one who was completely out of it.

"Cross! What happened? My head kills!" Kanda started to hit the General in an attempt to wake him up and when that didn't work he resorted to a tactic that he would never live down... he took a deep breath and leant down to whisper in Cross' ear.

"Hey hot stuff, you better get up soon or I won't be able to give you a little present before I leave~"

Cross' eyes flew open.

"Where're you going, babes? I'm still game..." the General cooed into Kanda's ear as he pulled him into a strong embrace.

"Wait! I'm Kanda!"

"Funny, I know someone else called Kanda. He's a boy though."

"I am a boy!"

"Haha baby, _sure_ you are!" Cross' embrace tightened as Kanda struggled.

"Honestly! I am Kanda! What the hell happened last night anyway?!" Kanda was freaked out by this version of Cross Marian. He was a General for Christ's sake! Couldn't he act more like one?

"Don't get jealous. I was just with Lavi, Allen and the Kanda I told you about. We may have gotten a _little_ drunk," Cross stroked Kanda's hair, "you have such long, beautiful, girly hair, my little Kanda-hime~" That was all it took to send Kanda into the red zone.

"What do you mean my hair is girly?! Jackass!" Kanda leaped to his feet dragging Cross with him and landed a crushing blow on the General's face. This seemed to snap the redheaded fool out of it and they collapsed on the floor cussing and trying to beat ten bells out of one another.

A loud growl echoed within the house, reverberating off the walls. Allen, laying face down on the floor where Kanda had thrown him, let out a loud sigh.

"So hungry... need food... ugh... Kanda didn't taste nice..." Allen was just about at breaking point even though there were three more days until Komui would send someone to pick them up. "I'm so hungry that I could eat anything!" A thought then occurred to Allen; maybe Kanda didn't taste good because he wasn't cooked yet. If he could start a fire and cook him just right then he could be a really tasty meal. _Mmm... Kanda stew. No, Allen, think! You can't eat your friend! No! No! Think happy thoughts! _Too bad for Allen, his happiest thoughts mostly consisted of food so doing that was pretty much pointless.

Lavi was still sat in the corner when a freezing burst of air rushed straight through the house. A shiver travelled from the back of his neck all the way down his spine. The roof was barely able to support itself never mind protect the four from the ruthless weather there in Antarctica. If they didn't find a source of warmth soon then they might freeze to death. He stood up with an excited look on his face that showed that he had an idea; that was a dangerous face.

If they needed heat then why not start a fire. _Everyone will be so proud of me! I'll be their hero - then Kanda will let me plait his hair!_Lavi held his hammer up high as it expanded and with a smile on his face he yelled as loud as he could. Even Kanda and Cross stopped their brawl to stare, their eyes wide in shock.

"Innocence Level 2, Release! Fire Stamp: Hellfire and Ash!"

"**NO! DON'T!**"

As soon as his hammer touched the floor, the entire room was ablaze. Within seconds, everything in the room was charred until it was unrecognisable. Amongst the blackened rubble sat the three other Exorcists, unmoving and seething with fury.

"**LAVI!**"

When would someone come to just take them away?

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**Okay, this chapter is a little random but they were drunk. The funny thing is that I could actually imagine Lavi doing something like this... I still have to write the next three days but I hope that you'll take the time to review. Love it? Hate it? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here it is! The third chapter; it took me a while to write though :D**

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The Exorcists sat, completely exhausted, in the snow. Luckily, Lavi had managed to survive the wrath of Kanda who, only a few hours ago, had tried to murder him. The memories still haunted Allen as he remembered how vicious Kanda really was.

**A Few Hours Earlier**

**"LAVI!" **Kanda, Allen and Cross yelled at the top of their voices. Lavi was insane. It had left them all in a state of shock when he stood, Hammer still in hand, amongst the charred rubble that was the devastating result of his Fire Stamp.

Kanda twitched in anger and after a long moment of silence, he lost it."You bloody retard!" He screamed, "you baka-usagi! You actually managed _to break the house_!" Laughing hysterically like a maniac, he grasped at Mugen and made a dash for Lavi. He hung him in mid-air by his collar with his free hand, the other ready to draw the weapon that would serve as the instrument of his demise.

"Hey, wait! Can't we talk this through first?"

"Sorry but the time for talking is long past. I'm really going to kill you this time!"

Allen stood up trying to stop the impending bloodshed. "Wait you can't kill him! He's a comrade!" Sometimes it was hard to figure out whether Kanda was more like an Exorcist or an Akuma. When he loses it, there is almost no way to stop him. Allen had to be careful what he said.

"You just shut up, Allen! If it weren't for our flame-retardant uniforms then we would be dead right now!"

"You're telling me to shut up? You need to calm down, Kanda, right now or I swear I'll..."

"Or you'll what?" A smug smile rose at the corners of Kanda's mouth. He should have known better than not to expect that Allen had a trump card, he was the King of Poker after all.

"Or I'll tell Komui about that time you and LenaLee got drunk and you two~" Kanda's hand instantaneously left Lavi's collar and clamped around Allen's mouth. The expression on his face filled with horror.

"Speak one more word about that and it won't be Lavi who ends up a dead man." Allen audibly gulped but as the bluenette removed his hands from his lips, he uttered a sigh of relief. His bold statement had at least managed to save the life of his friend - even if he was completely useless. Lavi was lucky.

**Present**

There was nowhere for the four of them to go. They had no food, no shelter and no one was coming for them; the world could be such a cruel place. Allen really hated God right about then. Although he was hungry there was nothing he could do about it and that was the most frustrating part of all. He really missed the cooking back at the Order and sat there wishing that he had brought more snacks for the mission.

Cross lifted himself to his feet and said the first logical thing he'd said since they had arrived, "I think that we should try to find somewhere to sleep; it's almost dawn,"

"You think we haven't thought of that already! Where the heck are we supposed to find somewhere out here in the middle of nowhere! Just face it! We are all screwed!" Kanda stood and stared out across the horizon where there was not a trace of anything other than snow in sight, "General Cross, see what I told you, there is nothing here!"

"Wait! Look over there! Something's moving, maybe there's someone out here!" There was a fast-moving, grey blur speeding towards them. "Hey! We're over here!" Allen tried to get the attention of the stranger by waving and gesturing it closer.

"Wait, Allen I think that's an~"

Allen's hands left the air as fast as he had put them up. He looked up at the blur as it closed in on the four of them, he stood stupified. The blur had actually been an...

"**AKUMA!**" It was huge! Easily twice the size of a normal Akuma and with that came twice as much ammunition. Running away, they tried to dodge the attacks which were coming at them faster and faster every second. Soon the snow was painted with black stars as the purple bullets made contact. They had to react quickly or they wouldn't make it.

"Allen! Use your Crown Clown!"

"I can't!"

"Why?!"

"I'm a Parasitic Type. I'm starving and I need to eat in order to use my Innocence! Why did you think I always ate so much?!"

"Wait, I thought you were just a fatso!" Allen gave Lavi a look of annoyance then turned to glance at the Akuma which was gaining on them. A thought then occurred to Allen._ Why aren't the others using their Innocence? We already know that Lavi can use his Hammer just fine. The house or what was left of it was proof enough. So why?_

"Why aren't you guys using your Innocence?"

"Are you kidding?! I'm freezing my balls off here! How the hell could I fight that thing? I'm still in my underwear!" Come to think of it, Allen hadn't noticed before but his Master still had nothing on but his boxers, he'd not even bothered to get dressed again. Sometimes the General could be so hopeless.

"What about you Lavi?"

"Kanda said that he'd rip off my %^#$^ # and feed it to his dog if I used my Hammer again!" Allen just stared blankly at him. Kanda was evil. Pure evil.

Kanda ceased running and turned to face his opponent, Mugen in hand. "Whatever! I'll do it!" A glint of ferocity shone in his eyes as he clutched at his sword and readied for battle. In a flash, he was beside the Akuma and ready to strike when its guns turned to face him and fired. "Shit!" He managed to dodge but it was a close call. It was too cold; the weather was slowing his movements while the Akuma felt nothing and was able to strike without hesitation. _I need to turn this around. Now!_ Kanda's battle cry rang in the air. Kanda threw himself at the enemy with full force using Mugen to extend his reach and slice through the Akuma.

As the Akuma's soul was released from its suffering, Allen offered a silent prayer. It relieved him that the person whose soul had been trapped was finally free but what was going to happen to the four of them? In some ways he envied the Akuma. Everyone stood panting for breath, happy that the ordeal was finally over. Something clicked in Allen's mind then and he realized something that he hadn't noticed while they were running.

"Master Cross, if you're still not in your uniform, and it was our uniforms that protected us from the flames when the house burned down, then how did you survive the fire?"

Awkward silence.

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**I really had no idea what to write for this chapter so I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you thought :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry that I haven't been writing in ages! You must hate me but it was the last week of school and I tend to leave homework until the last minute so... yeah. It was a hectic week and I've had a busy holiday so far. I hope this makes up for it! **

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"You make no sense! How can 'being awesome' save you from a fire!"

"It just can! I am a General after all. You seem to forget that all of your talent was bestowed upon you by me, my _dear little student."_

Allen snickered, "Ha! I don't think so!" His Master's boasting was so ridiculous that it was hardly worth paying any attention to normally, Allen would usually just leave him alone but they were all so stressed by the situation they were in that it had started an argument. Kanda was starting to show signs of the worst stress of all of them: his eyes were dark, he was more aggressive than usual - definitely not good - and looked like he might go into an insane frenzy at any moment.

"Just tell us how you friggin' survived and get it over with! If you don't then I'll use Mugen to cut your tongue off so you can't say anything at all, how does that sound?!"

"You have quite the temper there, Kanda. That doesn't go down so well with the ladies; maybe you should try to be a bit nicer." Cross' cocky attitude really irked Kanda and he was beginning to tread a fine line. He snarled at the General though somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind he knew that the notorious womaniser was right. He hated being wrong.

"Fine! _Please_ just tell us how you friggin' survived!"

A foolish grin spread across the redhead's face, "Flame-proof deodorant!"

The look on their faces was priceless!

"Flame-proof... deodorant?" Allen couldn't believe what he had just heard. His Master wore... flame-proof deodorant. What in the world would make someone want to wear that?

"What the hell. Why would you need that?"

"Because I'm so damn hot that I have to take precautions in case I burst into flames!" Kanda stood stupefied; that was it! The General was mad and he was just about sick of his shenanigans. He couldn't take the constant banter of the old fool.

"Master Cross, if you don't get away from me right now then you may be dead within the next five seconds!"

"Woah there Kanda, you really shouldn't be so cold to me. I'm good friends with General Tiedoll who trained you. I'm practically your uncle!" Allen and Lavi twitched uncomfortably at the growing violent aura beside them. How could Cross have been so stupid!

"Tiedoll. Is. Not. My. FATHER!" Kanda bellowed at the General, "Nor are you my uncle!" This should have been the end of Cross Marian. Or was it? He was putting up a good fight against this beast of a Kanda. Even as Kanda's hands wrapped around his neck, he didn't show any sign of panic instead he simply thrust his knee up powerfully into Kanda's crotch. Howling in pain, Kanda fell backwards trying to guard his family jewels from another deadly attack. "Why you!"

"For the love of mitarashi dangos! Would you please shut up!" Allen scowled at the childish pair, "This is not getting us anywhere!" Cross and Kanda sat up to attention at Allen's exclamation like little school children. It was pathetic really. Each of them was giving the other hateful looks that clashed like lightning. Allen sighed - this was not going to work at all.

Lavi approached the two angry Exorcists and put his arms around them, "Hey guys, just chill. It could be worse!" Just then, a powerful gust of wind blew straight through them followed by many others creating a blizzard of snow and freezing air. They all shook as the cold enveloped them.

"LAVI!"

"What?"

"You jinxed it! If you say things could get worse then obviously they are going to get worse! Baka-usagi!" Kanda held his arm in front of his face in an attempt to shield his eyes from the unforgiving storm. _Lavi ruins everything - it's like working with a time bomb! How can one human be so stupid?_

"Hey! Where is everyone?" Nobody answered. Allen wandered aimlessly among the sea of white that surrounded him. He couldn't see his own hands in front of his face much less any of the other Exorcists. Without them he might never get back to the Order alive. Timcampy, who was safely snuggled inside of Allen's coat, was useless for communicating since that damned Komui had gotten his hands on it. This was going to be a long day.

_What's that? A person? Maybe it's the others! _Allen was sprinting towards a vague figure ahead of him and was closing in fast. His hopes were high as he sped up, wanting to catch a glimpse of life in that desolate wasteland.

"Hello?" Allen called out to the mysterious person hoping to reach them before they left him all alone. He stopped dead in his tracks. _Oh, God no!_

"Allen! I've missed you!" Road Kamelot threw herself at him, arms wide ready to embrace the young Exorcist. She clung onto his neck and cuddled into his chest lovingly.

"Road!" Allen was surprised at the overly friendly greeting he received from the Noah. Staring down at her blue hair, he shuffled uncomfortably. "Could you please get off me?"

"But I love you! Meanie!" The Noah pouted and only tightened her hold on the irritated Exorcist.

"Road, I really don't have time right now to be dealing with the Noah clan! I'm lost, I'm cold and I'm hungry!" Allen forcefully pried the girl off his chest, giving her an angry glare that would hopefully scare her away. Obviously, that didn't work as she smiled mischievously and tilted his chin so that they were facing each other eye-to-eye.

"You know, Allen, you're really cute when you're angry," Road teased, "how about we make a deal? In my pocket I have a pack of sweets I was saving for later but you can have them~" Allen's eyes grew wide and a huge smile spread across his face. His stomach would suffer no more!

"Thank you so much! Gimme! Gimme~"

"Wait! I wasn't finished! You can have them if you... kiss me."

Allen's face turned whiter than his hair. Kiss... a Noah? His pride as an Exorcist would be ruined and he would forever be tainted by the Noah's evil. Could he afford to do something so reckless and stupid that would tarnish the reputation of everyone fighting on the side of Innocence? How would he be able to face anyone back at the Black Order again? _Sod it!_

The white-haired boy pulled the Noah into his arms and crushed his lips to hers. Her lips tasted sweet to the starving boy and so he gratefully continued. She kissed back passionately, a smirk forming at the edge of her mouth that was soon fully occupied by Allen's. She wrapped her arms around his back and stood up on her toes to deepen the kiss.

That is how they were found: their lips locked together, holding each other tightly. Kanda and the others had finally caught up to Allen who had managed to wander off somewhere and had been greeted by this scene. Allen getting cozy with their enemy!

He finally broke the kiss when he heard a loud and boisterous voice yelling at him, "Get in there Allen!" It was Cross. The General was the only one who seemed pleased by his display while Kanda, on the other hand, was a different matter entirely.

"Moyashi! Why in God's name are you getting all lovey-dovey with a Noah?! For Christ's sake! Have you gone mad? They're trying to kill us!"

"Kanda! Wait, I can explain!" Kanda had turned and stormed off dragging both annoying redheads with him. He didn't look like he was in the best of moods to say the least.

Good luck getting out of this one Allen!

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**I hoped you liked it. I think I had way too much fun thinking up the Road part! I actually really like that pairing way more than Allen x Lenalee or any other - I just think they suit each other with the whole Nea situation going on (plus it's so cute!) Read, review if you do then I'll be really glad. By the way, I'm really open to suggestions for the last day so if anyone has got any funny ideas for me that you want to see in this fanfic then please let me know! :) Until the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I finally got to uploading this chapter - such a relief. It was Exams Week last week so I couldn't get anything done other than revision. Hope you like it!**

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"I swear, Kanda! It wasn't what it looked like!" Allen grasped at the bluenette's arm in a hopeless attempt to slow him down; it wasn't working.

"Oh, ok! So what was it then, because it looked to me as you were _locking lips with the enemy_!"

"But she told me I had to if~"

"So if I told you to jump off a cliff then you'd do it?!" Kanda spun around, throwing the redheads onto the floor, and grabbed a fistful of Allen's coat. The look in his eyes was that of a feral beast that had just closed in on its prey. Allen was sweating with a twitching, nervous smile plastered to his face by fear.

"No but~"

"So it's ok to listen to a Noah but not to your own comrade? Your logic is sick, you know that right?!" Kanda spat the words at Allen, "I don't even know what else you were up to! We found you quite late and you two looked pretty cozy together when we arrived! You got anything to say for yourself? Any last words?" The bluenette was laughing now, but it was a cold humorless laugh.

Cross stood up and brushed the snow off of his body, "Kanda, lighten up. Allen just had his first kiss - congratulate him! Next he'll be~"

"God! Shut up!" Allen was blushing; he knew exactly what his Master was about to say and he would never let him say it aloud - whatever dignity he had left would be crushed into dust.

"Don't butt in, you useless General! This is my fight and you won't stop me!" Leaning into Allen's face, a demonic smile formed on his lips, "You're gonna die." As he muttered that, he loosened his grip for a moment and that was all Allen needed to slip out of his reach. The boy stumbled backwards trying to find his footing before Kanda launched another violent attack but instead fell back onto the snow. Kanda towered over him, his eyes flashing with menace, as he drew Mugen from its sheathe. He pointed the sharp blade at Allen who was trembling with fear for his life.

"Wait! I only kissed her because she had food! She said I could have her sweets if I did! You know that she has some weird crush on me! Please believe me!"

Kanda lowered his weapon, "She... had food?" his mouth watered, "Why didn't you tell us before?" Eyes wide with hope, the bluenette searched the area for any trace of Road; she was long gone.

"I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen! Of course I wouldn't choose to kiss a Noah without a good reason!" _She was a good kisser though... no! She's a Noah! I can't think like that! _Allen shook his head, trying to chase out the thoughts, which earned him a quizzical look from Kanda.

Lavi, still lying on the snow, moaned, "Where is Komui? We've been here for four days haven't we?... Or have we? I don't know!" The redhead's stomach growled loudly followed by Allen's. Lavi didn't even want to try to get up; he knew he had to preserve any energy he had left.

"Don't complain you idiot! We're all in the same boat here!" Kanda yelled, sheathing Mugen. "What can we do about it except wait?"

Allen, after making sure Mugen was safely secured at Kanda's waist, stood up and put as much space between him and the angry bluenette as possible. He walked over to Lavi and offered him a hand up which the boy gratefully accepted. Then he turned to the other Exorcists. "We should probably try and find our way back to the house," he glared at Lavi, "or what's left of it."

"Why do you keep going on about that? I'm sorry, ok! I really didn't mean to blow up the house!" Everyone rolled their eyes at Lavi.

"Fine, moyashi, we'd better get back before Komui gets there - wouldn't want to be late to his funeral!" Kanda stormed off in a huff to go find Komui and give him a piece of his mind. _Haha he is so dead!_

"Um... Kanda?"

"What?!"

Allen pointed the opposite way, "The house is that way."

Kanda ground his teeth together in frustration as he turned and walked the other way, "Tch! I knew that!" Allen and the others just shrugged and followed briskly as Kanda sped off in front of them.

**Some time later...**

"Finally!" Allen exclaimed as he threw himself onto the floor in front of the pile of rubble. Lavi and Cross sat down beside him and let out a long sigh.

"Where is Komui?! I was so ready to pound him into dust!" After pacing impatiently, Kanda huffily took a seat next to them in the snow. _I can't wait to get my hands on that creep! How dare he leave us here!_

Allen could sense his irritation so he tried to lift the tension but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he should do to calm him down - usually Kanda let out his anger through fights. _Yeah... not doing that!_ There was nothing to do out in the middle of nowhere. Or was there?

The short white-haired boy pulled a pack of cards from his front pocket, "Anyone for Poker?"

Lavi perked up at hearing this and squealed, "Strip Poker!"

...

"Ahaha I win! Royal Flush!" Allen, as usual had an insane winning streak and, sure enough, there in front of him was the Ace, King, Queen, Jack and Ten of Hearts. Lavi was down to his underwear and Kanda sat in nothing but his trousers, exposing his toned abs, while Cross stood up frowning.

"Guess there's no helping it," The General pulled at the elastic of his underwear and the Exorcists screamed.

"**NO PLEASE, GOD, KEEP THEM ON!**" Both Kanda and Allen covered their eyes.

"But I lost."

"Consider it a draw!" The last thing Allen wanted to see at that moment was his Master naked; the only meatballs he wanted to see were the food.

"No way! That would insult my pride as a man! Allen won and I'm not going to be a sore loser! Haha don't be so shy! We're all men here right?" Cross pulled the elastic of his boxers down a little more which had them all blushing.

At that point any excuse was better than none. Allen had just the one.

"But Lavi is gay - remember all the rumours? Is it a good idea to do this in front of him?" The General simply laughed at Allen's question.

"Don't be so prejudiced, Allen! He's going out with Tyki, if I heard right, so he's already got a little boyfriend. No worries!" Allen seriously doubted that Tyki was _little_ but still, his Master didn't seem phased at all. What would he do if Lavi tried pursuing Master Cross? That would make one of his best friends... his Master's... lover. _Eeeeew pull it together Allen! You have to stop this now before it's too late!_

"Won't you be too cold? You really don't have to!" Allen was desperate now, trying to think of anything to avoid the utter humiliation. For once, Kanda felt sorry for the poor kid having to go through this kind of mental torture. If it was General Tiedoll then he would probably feel the same as Allen did right then - then again, he didn't think Tiedoll could ever be _this_ embarrassing no matter how hard he tried.

"I'll take it like a man! I'm not a wuss like you lot!" The redhead chuckled and reached for his underwear whilst Lavi sat undisturbed and Allen and Kanda cowered away from the awkward scene.

"**NO!**"

"What's going on here?" The four Exorcists turned to see Komui standing by the side of a Landrover. They didn't know whether to be infuriated or thankful for his arrival. Whether he had saved them from being traumatised or not, he had still left them there for four days straight with no supplies. Kanda made up his mind quickly enough.

"Komui you ass! You abandoned us - you selfish moron!" He grasped the man's collar and pulled him in for a punch when Cross got a hold of his arm. The bluenette's eyes shot holes through the meddling General and growled when he couldn't get his arm free. The interfering fool didn't seem like he would give up soon so Kanda reluctantly halted his assault - for now. He let go of the Chief and backed off, pulling his arm from the General's grip.

"Sorry about that," Cross apologised to Komui, who didn't seem to notice the underlying tone of menace held in the General's voice.

"It's fine, I hope that you learned some good skills from this _little adventure!_" Komui wore an innocent expression on his face that only seemed to piss everyone off more. Cross had to hold Kanda back as he snarled like a wild beast at the Chief. "Let's get back to the Order, men!" Komui marched off towards the parked vehicle while humming a cheerful song to himself.

The Exorcists hung back for a moment, making sure that Komui was out of ear-shot.

"What are you thinking you red headed idiot?! Have you forgotten what he did to us? Why didn't you let me clobber him?!" The bluenette was seething with anger directed both at Komui and the General. Why did he stop me?! I would've made him pay real good!

"Oh, just beating him up wouldn't cut it. We're going to wait and find the perfect moment to ruin his life - revenge is always best served cold. Never forgive, never forget. That's what we'll do!" Devious smirks spread across their faces as they imagined how they would torture him. Embarrassment? Fear? Loss? There were so many options that they were bursting with anticipation - Komui would never be safe again.

The aura surrounding Allen turned dark and it seemed as though he had the horns of a demon. He laughed manically and turned to burn holes into Komui's back as he strode off none the wiser.

"You will pay, Komui... You will pay for ripping my first kiss away from me... It's all your fault..." Lavi cringed from Allen's heart of pure darkness. He almost felt sympathy for the Chief - _almost_.

"Are you coming or not?" Komui called back at the others as he entered the Landrover's passenger seat. The Exorcists' faces turned innocent and inconspicuous as they followed in his footsteps and got in the car but the fact still remained:

Dark Allen was back.

**THE END**

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**I've finally finished my first story! I hope the ending was ok and thanks everyone for reading it - I wouldn't have finished if it weren't for you guys. If there's anything you'd like to suggest then I'd love to hear it!**


	6. Revenge against Komui

Komui sat leisurely in the usual seat in his office: the one furthest away from all the paperwork as possible. Sipping from a mug of Lenalee's special coffee, it seemed as though his mind was far away inside the newspaper he was reading. So much so that he didn't notice Cross, Kanda, Lavi and Allen peeking their heads around the corner of the door. As soon as they saw that the Chief was distracted, they withdrew and discussed their battle strategy.

"Okay, guys, so let's go with the plan." Cross smirked, "Kanda, is everything ready?"

Kanda mirrored that smirk, "Everything is set. Now all we need to do is lure Komui into our claws!" Allen knew exactly what to say to have the Chief run straight into their trap.

"Leave it to me!" He ran into the office screaming, "Quick! Lavi cornered Lenalee in the basement! Who knows what that beast will do to her!"

Komui's ears perked up in response to his little sister's name, his eyes wide in alarm. Without warning he bolted from the room, dropping his drink and newspaper as he did.

"I'm coming, Lenalee! Brother will save you!" Allen followed him as he screamed and sprinted down the corridor. He gave the rest a thumbs up to signal them to follow.

The door leading to the basement was wide open so Komui threw himself into the dark room without hesitation.

"Are you okay? Where are you? Lenalee!" His voice echoed throughout the room but no reply could be heard, "Lenalee!" He searched the room aimlessly until the sound of footsteps resonated from behind him. He span around at the sound to see Allen stood in the doorway followed by Cross, Kanda and Lavi.

"Wait! Lavi, I thought you were in here with Lenalee!" The four of them smiled darkly at his remark.

"I'm afraid that you were tricked, Chief. By your own subordinates, how does that make you feel?" Allen was having fun toying with the annoying Chinese man.

Komui frowned, "And why would you do that?"

"Do you think that we've forgotten that little trip you sent us on last month? You know which one we mean! You're a selfish conniving bastard and we've come for revenge!"

"Wait, Allen! You don't really mean that do you? Can't we all just figure something out?"

"It's too late for that! Not one single 'I'm sorry'! No! You will suffer for this!" Allen trembled in rage, "I lost my first kiss! My... First... Kiss!" Allen's hands were curled into fists by his side, his knuckles white as he clenched them.

"Please! I'm sorry!" Komui began to back away from the malicious group.

Allen motioned Lavi over to the Chief with a flick of his head.

"Roger!" Lavi yelled and pounced on Komui, hammer extended in his hand.

"Wait! Nooooooo!"

Komui awoke back in the basement, lit by a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, and as he looked down he started to panic. He was strapped to a giant Wheel of Fortune. His mind was foggy and the last thing he remembered was being cornered by the four Exorcists who were now stood in front of him looking pleased with themselves.

"What...ugh... happened?" Komui muttered between pained groans.

"Revenge, of course." Cross said matter-of-factly while approaching the helpless man. The others nodded.

"What are you going to do to me?" He struggled against the bindings that held him to the wheel.

Allen laughed manically, "Oh, all sorts of things. It's going to be so much fun!" The room seemed particularly dark right then, as if Allen's presence had snuffed out any light of hope it may have held. Even the other Exorcists recoiled at the cruel aura oozing from Allen. His eyes displayed a dark passion for blood; Dark Allen was frightening.

"Like what?" The words slipped from the Chief's mouth before he could take them back. It was a question he should never have asked. Allen's face twisted up into a sadistic smile as he grabbed the edge of the Wheel of Fortune.

"Like this!" The wheel was spun with enormous strength causing Komui to become nothing more than a blur on the wheel. His stomach churned at the sudden and violent motion.

It seemed like hours had passed; it was so disorientating and he didn't know how long he could last. He could feel the sick piling up at the back of his throat but just before he could throw up, the wheel stopped. His head was still spinning; the feeling making his sight blurry. His stomach groaning in agony. When would it end?

"Wakey wakey!" When his eyes finally settled, he saw a mortifying scene: Lenalee was in Kanda's arms. _When did she get here?! How long was I spinning for? _Komui shook his head, his hair plastered to his face by sweat.

"Lenalee! What's... going... on?" His voice slow and uneven as he looked his sister in the eyes. She turned away from his gaze, an expression of shame painted across her face.

"I'm sorry, brother." She then turned to Kanda, wrapping her arms around his neck, bringing his lips to hers. The Chinese man stilled in disbelief, mouth gaping at the heart-breaking scene in front of him. Kanda's arms tightened around her back as he responded to the kiss. Lenalee brought her arms up from his neck to tangle into his soft, blue hair. She opened her mouth and let the kiss develop. The bluenette was all too happy to oblige. Komui was almost in tears. _A French kiss?! That's my sister! Please! Make it stop!_

Almost as if they had heard his thoughts, they broke off the kiss only to walk hand in hand out of the basement to God knows where - though Komui's guess was Kanda's room. Komui fought with all his might to break free and run after the two of them. _No! Not my baby sister!_ He continued to struggle to no avail.

Allen laughed, "Oh no, all that struggling just won't do - we're not done with you yet." With that, Cross stepped forward and met Komui with an intimidating glare.

"I have some little friends I'd like to introduce to you," he motioned dramatically to the corner, "come out here!"

From that dark corner emerged two of the ugliest men Komui had ever seen - one wearing a pink unitard, the other a swan suit. Their faces covered in boils and zits as they smiled, showcasing a mess of brown and yellow teeth.

"What are you doing?!" Komui screamed as they approached him and stroked his cheeks lovingly. Their faces were so close that he could smell their foul breath. He couldn't quite place the scent but he was pretty sure it was something along the lines of rotting flesh and horse manure.

"He's all yours, boys!" Cross laughed heartily as he walked towards the door with Allen and Lavi.

"Oh goody!" One of them yelled.

Allen turned to face the quivering mess that was their Chief and mirrored Komui's letter from a month ago, "I'll be back in four days to pick you up. Think of it as endurance training, if you like." They left him all alone in that dark, damp room but not before Lavi took one last look back.

"Damn. I want in on that action." The redhead sighed and then closed the door, leaving their poor vulnerable Chief to his slow and painful demise.

_Lenalee!_


	7. Extra: The scary truth about Lavi

"Lavi, thanks so much for lending us all this torture equipment." Allen gave his red headed friend a pat on the back.

"No problem!" Lavi smiled proudly. At least he could be more useful than in the Antarctica incident.

"But where did you get all of this stuff?" The white-haired boy stared at the huge pile of items in front of him: handcuffs, chains, gags, ductape. There was anything you could imagine to use for revenge.

"Oh, Tyki gave me them," he replied, "he has a lot more of these things at his place."

Allen's face sunk, "oh u-um, does he? That's, um, interesting..." _Just walk away, Allen. Walk away..._


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